Less FUPA, More Flatter

I've been on the hunt for the perfect cigarette pant for months now. I've searched high and low to no avail. What I want is not complicated: skinny black cropped pants that flatter, a la Audrey Hepburn.

But in my search I've become appalled by the number of suuuper unflattering styles being offered...butt-front pants, pleats in all the wrong places, bubbled thighs tapering into skinny calves and banded ankles. FUPA is a sad enough phenomenon, we don't need clothing that accentuates our...soft spots.